I have been away for a while. I believe at is or a similar phrase are the beginnings of most of my posts. It is true though, I was taken away by my School. Ah yes I have completed my first year of college. For a high school dropout who has actually realized the dream of using my military benefits to better myself (in my opinion), it is fairly amazing to be attending college and by some miracle coming out on the Dean’s list for both semesters so far. I know that it is a very long road to be sure, but when you say a year is down, then the next three do not seem all that long. We have had a good year here. I am behind in posting the journal posts, but the idea is that I am not going to go back and type them all out. What counts is that they are in the journal for my family to read, not that they end up in here, all further ones will be posted. The idea is not to spend all my time in life rerecording, just the once will do.
I will give a brief recap. There was a second post about camping. There is a rather good entry espousing to my son(s) the dedication that you have show if you wish to succeed at anything. That little gym was written at about 0300 one night when I stayed up to do homework rather than working on it while Liam was awake.
I want the boys to see that you must be prepared to sacrifice if you want to succeed. You have to be ready to skip movies, concerts, sleep. I managed my goals this semester, I kept my grades up and I still managed to spend time with my family. Liam has been in daycare the few days that I am class and it has done him a world of good. He has learned at a faster rate than he would have cooped up with me. The baby is due in February and I had intended to take the semester off. However my advisor has asked me to take at least one online history course and Katie believes that I should keep moving as well. Our family has come through in fine fashion to help us get through the coming semester as I have been offered (and hopefully will get) the chance to be a student instructor in history. That is the kind of thing that grad school applications are made of as my grades and high school drop out will only walk me so far.
Our family had a nice Christmas. Our pajama theme was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
The day before Christmas Liam became sick. We have all had a cold, but Liam’s got worse. I hoped he would kick it but he didn’t and two days later it was apparent that he had pneumonia. We were going to make him an appointment Monday morning, but during the night he kept getting worse. At 0430 I finally took him to the hospital. It was there that they confirmed that he had pneumonia.
The raging fever, accelerated hear rate, trouble breathing, the infection…this could have been a death sentence a relatively short time in history ago. That is what leads me to my main point. In some parts of the world today, pneumonia, especially in children, is still a death sentence. We were at the hospital for maybe an hour and a half. Basic medicine (which we had at home, and were already using) to bring the fever down, couple of chest x-rays to confirm the diagnoses, and a dose of and prescription for antibiotics, and we were on our way, with the certainty that my son would survive the night. It is only my studies of medicine and history, I feel, that make me sensitive to what a modern miracle that is. I walked out thinking “everyone should have that.” That is where the point of this post begins.
Firstly I have always had a bent towards history, and realized my passion in an epiphany when trying to pick my major. However our long educations make us insensitive to certain things. I have the theory that in history there are two kinds of people: Historical Figures and just Figures. Your historical figures are someone remembered. We will work with examples like Jamestown colony. We know names like Captain John Smith, he is a historical figure. However your “figures”are just that, they are numbers. From elementary school onward we learn things like “over half the colonists died of…” the figures were worse than that, but you get the idea. The death figures we read over, to us they are facts and figures. We get accustom to them, and our currently low mortality rates do not help us to think of the ones in the past as being something that borders on fiction. It is true that a certain normalcy forms when something happens often enough. A situation in Brazil proved that maternal instinct is more cultural construct than it is total instinct, in that it can be overridden by prolonged and truly desperate circumstances. They were people though, starving, freezing, dying of disease. They were husbands, wives, CHILDREN. They were peoples children. Children died too. We forget to think about when we read “children that survived to adulthood.” Let that sink in. You may have seen my graveyard posts. The end of all anti vaccine arguments is “I am sorry that you enjoy being able to name your children before they are six.” We are not so far into a time when children don’t just die. At least to the people reading this. That is the second half.
My studies have made me aware of problems in the world. I knew about them, more than the common man anyhow, due to service in Iraq, seeing the people so poor they didn’t eat enough. I won’t go into all the details, but with my school I’ve realized it isn’t just war zones. There are places where people just do not have anything. If their children had gotten the same sickness that my son had and I consider it minor, their child would be dead. I am grateful that my son has that, but I am aware of the imbalance in the world. My son lives, countless die. I avoid things like commercials of the kids starving because I know I cannot do enough, like I could not do enough in Iraq. The weight of millions bares down on me. Past and present. I ignore the fact that I enjoy the products of this situation. I sit here on my fancy made in China computer, wearing my Singapore and Vietnam clothes not knowing if they get a decent wage or if they are modern slaves. The more I study the more the weight heaves on thinking about how there are children forced to be soldiers. Someone posted an article saying minority children in America do not get to be children. Fine that may be true in some cases (race put aside) but I wonder if the ones saying we must broaden our thoughts want to broaden far enough to the places where nine year olds carry AK-47’s. I am thankful my son had a hospital and care and insurance, and I wish everyone had that, but I have this fight club moment when I sit on my Ikea couch and wonder if the guilt will win, or if I just accept that is the way it is? We journey on, but we wonder, will we always have it so good?
Hrolf the Ganger